Scars. Whether they’re internal or external, I believe every human has scars in this life. Some have both. I have both. Luckily, my external scars have healed beautifully well. Most people don’t even notice the slightest imperfection in the areas of my previous wounds. Yet, if one looks closely enough, my scars can be seen.
“Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.” Psalms 139:16 NKJV
Part Who I Am……
This verse speaks to me because I have scars on my face, from two separate accidents, both from my preschool years. They’re still there, if you look close enough you’ll be able to see them. Luckily, they aren’t obvious.
I can only imagine the natural response random strangers in public had upon seeing a shy little girl with a scarred face such as I had. I’ve heard stories of the scars being referred to as “gross”, “ugly”, and that “no little girl should grow up with”. So, needless to say, I’ve had self esteem issues for as long as I can remember. I didn’t realize their full impact on my life until about 11 years ago after realizing how young I was when I received the larger scars. (I was approximately 4 yrs old).
Admittedly, this threw me for a tailspin. Despite being a hope fanatic, I knew any significant event occurring at the age of five years or younger has the ability to leave traumatic affects that can last a life time. Shortly after my realization I was driving on my way to a meeting, so I let my mind wander over all the implications. After five to ten minutes of my mind spinning with thoughts on the matter, I decided to mentally box it up and set it aside until I had time to dwell on it more in-depth. I simply didn’t have time right then, in traffic of all places! That was definitely not the time, nor the place, for such deep thinking. Lol
Digging In
It was a couple of days later by the time I could finally sit down and let my mind try to sort things out. I had to virtually “rewrite” my childhood as I knew it, correcting misinformation previously thought to be true. In my memory, I had been several years older when each of my scars happened. But, now I wondered what impact those events happening at such a young age actually had on me and my psychological development throughout the years. It was mind boggling, and If I’m honest, a bit scary.
After researching a bit, I could see the negative impacts that had rippled through me throughout my life. Chagrined, I hit prayer and the scriptures to try to get insight, peace, healing, etc. Hopefully, God could help me cram these new pieces of information into some semblance of peace so I could get past this hump of a revelation in my life. The verse in Psalms 139 jumped out at me.
Letting Go
As I said, my exterior wounds have long since healed, and are no longer noticeable. This scripture brought emotional healing beyond what I imagined. Yet, as with all victories, the enemy will always try to regain any ground they previously lost. The devil is no different. He periodically will try to drag me back to that hurt, but God has declared otherwise for me. It’s not a hard choice; I choose to listen to God. It is your choice who you seek answers from. It is your choice who you choose to listen to.
“Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.” Psalms 139:16 NKJV
For whatever reason, this verse gave me complete peace. GOD KNEW about my scars before I ever existed. I knew He loved me. I knew He called me beautiful, even with my scars. Those old words had haunted me. Yes, they haunted me, despite the compliments to the contrary throughout the years. “Gross”. “Ugly”. Scars that “no little girl should grow up with”. Yet, in that moment those words lost their impact almost immediately.
Do you have scars, external or internal? How have they impacted you? And how have you been able to move past them? Please, share. You never know who you might help in the process.
Conversely, if you have issues from your scars that you can’t get past, why not ask God to help you find some helpful insight and peace? Remember, it’s your choice who you seek advice from. Seek it. And… As always….. Choose wisely.
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